1 JAN 20o9

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE !!
:D


happy 20th month anniversary darling! and happy new year to BABY & dickson TAN & my dearest BUDDY (kelly TAN)!

baby, i still rem last year how we celebrate 20o8. you bring me to marina square to see fire work. but yet too many ppl. we go off. and went to lynnies's pub at east coast. there to drink. just for my sake. cause you know i miss my sisters. ronnies is there too. it's damn fun! i really miss them so much. :D and you looked into my eyes when the clock turns 12am. and say to me " happy 8 month anniversary! i love you" and with a sweet kiss. i miss that! thanks darling. next you bring me to hotel. ("hey. don think wrong. hotel with lots of ppl there to continue drink ok! gort kids there also") till next morning we took cab home. i still rem how the wonderful night we spent together. i miss you real much. hais. even though you not with me right now. but i know your heart is with me! i love you baby! real much! smuacks*



it's a hard year for me & buddy, for baby & dickson. but we can go thru it. i believe! we are strong der! nothing can stop us from loving each other so deeply right buddy? i believe that. :D
so let's jiayou!! :D im always there. i kept my promise to the 3 of you! :D and baby, you know that i didn lie to you this 18th month. none of a time! so believe me! i love you.


this letter is the 3rd letter that baby wrote to me:

Baobei,
i have receive all the card and i love them so much too. the 2 small ones is so cute and lovely. and i love the perfume smell also. ("the present that baby buy for me for my birthday") haha. Baby, today i got interview so we only talk about 10mins only. so sad lor. But just hope for the best for me k? hehe. My days inside is same lor. everyday 1 hour yard and visit you for 30mins. but whenever i visit you, is my happiest time. haha. i mean what i say de wor. Baby, sorry about that time k? that i say you never care about me. is cause i very angry. then i say till like that de. hope you dont take it to heart hao marh? sorry sorry. ("he draw a cry face") haha. very ugly right? ("it's ugly. but i love it!")

Baby, you know when i get caught that time my mind is just thinking of you. from 010507 till now. in my heart you are always the one that i love and cherish and also the only one that i care so much. and in this life i know that you are the one, the one can make my life change. and i promise myself. when i am release, no matter how hard my life is. i will still marry you and give you a good and happy life. Baby, you are my heart, my soul, my life, my everything. cause only you can change me. Baby i love you real much. and whenever i see the letter you wrote to me. i am so touch. you are the only one who can give me happiness, sweetness and lovelyness. thanks for everything that you have done for me. Baby, and i know that you are having a hard life cause you have to come all the way here to visit me and have to wake up so early just to visit me. thanks baby.("baby you know what? that's not hard life! as long as can see you. i feel so xing fu ler!") thanks baby. i really cherish every single thing that you had done for me. Baby, when i come out, we go oversea k? i wanna bring you to Australia. cause my friend said that Australia is a nice place to go. ("no matter go where. as long as got you by my side is the best places that i ever been.") and i wanna spent my time with you. and buy you lots of things. (" i don wan anything. i just want you back!") and i want you to bring me go malaysia when chinese new year, cause i wanna play fire crackers marh. haha. so just pray hard for me to get the lightest sentence k. Baby you dont think too much k. i wont change heart der. you are the only one i love. cause when i am inside you have done so much for me, and i also BU SHE DE leave you marh. and you also promise to stick to me forever ler hor. so dont break your promise hor. haha. ok la. baby i should stop here ler k. i love you and miss you everyday and everynight. muackzzz. when you see this letter i will be at changi ler. you must take very very good care of yourself k. i ❤ you. Braian love Fennies forever.


and it's the end of this letter. hais. i miss him so badly! i cried so badly when i read this letter! when i receive this letter was christmas or before. forget ler. he's not yet sentence. when my mum told me. got my letter. i still don believe. i tell her. don lie to me. it's christmas day. not fool day! haha. then she ask me go out of the room. and i saw the letter! it's so surprise! i miss him right now! so badly! hais :'(

18 month. im gonna wait! i swear! i will wait for you! the things that we both gone thrus. no one can understand. only us. no one knows how hard we hanging on to have the days now. and to love each other so deeply. i promise. i will stick to you forever! :D cause B, 你是我这一生最深爱的男人!!!

29th dec 20o8

it's the day that dickson sentence. buddy was so sad. i see her cry. it's like so hurts. it's hurts me to see her so sad. i was thinking how about me? for tmr. am i prepared? hais.
here's the out come. sentence for 16month. she cried so badly. when i saw dickson face. he was like so heart pain to see her cry like this. hais. but oct of 20o9 he jiu can come out ler. =D
so my dearest buddy. don sad! very fast der. i will be there for you. to pei you wait for him. :D
be strong. he don wanna see you sad!


30th dec 20o8

today it's my turn! hais. baby gonna sentence ler. hais. buddy pei me go. and buddy's mother in law was there too. so nice of her. thanks aunty!
as i tot im prepared. but yet when his probation office come to me. and tell me. he might be goin RTC. yet i cried. didn't i prepared? hais. so silly.
and the out come is he really goin RTC for 18month. it's 1 year 6 month. he will be out on 2010 june. hais. i miss him so much. i didn cry on the spot. i don wan him to see it. i don wan him to upsad. i control my tears.
when the lawyer wanted to talk to us. ask us to go out. i cried. =(
i miss him so much. 1 was with him 1 year 6 month and he got caught.
and i have to wait for him 1 year 9 months. hais. it's so hurts. i miss him badly!


baobei, this song is for you ❤

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY BABY ! :D

darling, happy 20th bird day! :D i miss you real much! you promise to celebrate birthday together every year. YOU PROMISE!!! please dont lie to me! :'( come back and celebrate belated birthday together ok? i miss you! ;(

baby, this is for you! im saving $1 each day. till the day you come out. :D
it's yours! i love you!

SOME PICS TAKEN ON MY BIRTHDAY WITH BUDDY! :D

she's the one that i love! :D

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO ME! :D

is it happy? hais. i dont think so. it's just a fucking day. but thanks to those bestie who send me birthday greeting! you girls are so sweet! sweeties than anything ok? i love ni men!
thanks to RUBBY (cousin) , KELLY (buddy), LYNETTE (sister), CHUNPING (baobei), BEEYEN (sister), VERON (sister). you girls are so sweet! thanks~

Morning, when to visit BABY. :D i miss him so much! he's so sweet. he bought psp for me. & perfume. :D although is i go buy myself. but it's using his money lar. baby, thanks for everything. he sing birthday song to me. i cried. and he still wrote letter for me. draw a small cake with 19 candles. ask me make a wish before i blow. so sweet. hais. how i wish he's right here with me. can i don wan all those present but just wan you back? hais. :'( it's the worst birthday that i ever hab! i miss you real much! :'(

afternoon when home watch tv. suddenly receive a private number. it's SHAWN (baby's cousin). he called me just to sing birthday song for me. so sweet of him! when he grow up sure very li hai to woo girls der. hahahas. :DD after that i when to bed. when iim not totally fall asleep. i heard my bro and sis saying about me.
here they goes--->
bro: where got ppl birthday never go out der?
sis: do you think your meimei got friends?
bro: ah girl (pat darling) lei?
sis: people got boyfriend liaos where will wan your mei? always is ah boy pei her der.
bro: ohs... dhen too bad lo.
and he went out.
i heard that. hais. feeling so down. and i miss him again.

around 3 plus. i went out. go MCYS for probation interview. i saw my dad under my blk. waiting for my mummy & sis they all. know what he do? he give me fucked up look. like i own him 1million. iya! fuck care lah! i walk off. after the interview, i went to amk hub meet KELLY (buddy) she's the sweeties one lar! she's the only one who meet me on my birthday! thanks babe! you're the best! :D after those shopping with her. when back yishun to meet my family. hais. and another fucked up things came. it's my birthday isn't it im the one should choose what to do, whad to eat? hais. and im not the one. is my dad! it's like his fucking own birthday! he never even think of me. and keep on giving me a fuck face! hais. whatever lar. without baby. no one can ever make my days happening! so just fuck it lar!

went watch movie after that! it's a treat from my brother in law. thanks vincent korkor!(jiefu) :D
after movie. went home. surprise! i saw one present outside my house door. it's from PAT (darling). so sweet of her. hais. but she didn't meet me. :'(


P.S: TO baby - baby, without you. my birthday just sucks! i hate it! hais. i miss you so much! i miss last year birthday! the bbq that you opened for me on my 18th birthday! hais. i miss the day you will still with me. i need you so much! no one understand how the worst birthday that i ever hab. only you! no one understand how sad i am. only you. you promise to return me a happy 19th birthday when you come out. i miss you baby! :'(


TO: KELLY (buddy) -
buddy, thanks for being there when i need someone. and thanks for acc me for my birthday. although im not happy for the day. but you already tried your best to make me happy. i apperciate it alots! thanks buddy. you're the best friend that i ever hab! thanks. you wont leave me alone when i cried, when i need someone. thanks! i love you buddy!

perfume & psp from baby

couple watch from kelly buddy :D for me & baby

birthday gift from sis, bro, brother in law.

birthday cake from sis.

hello kitty from pat darling

a letter from pat darling :D

so touch after reading!

THANKS! :D

SOME PICS TAKEN ON THE 19TH DEC :D

Buddy and me :D taken in Remand

I MISS HIM SO MUCH !

it's already 2 months plus without him ler. i miss him so much! how i wish he still with me. i wont be so miserable. hais. so many things had happen. sisters, family and him. hais. how i wish time can turn back. he can be by my side. :(

i always wish that time can turn back cause of sistership. but is it worth? i once tot it's worth. but that's only im the only one who thinks that. no one does. so silly huh? lols.

but whatever it is. buddy ( kelly ) was right. i should build a wall to everyone unless i know them for long. to protect myself. that's something that i should learn from her. buddy ( kelly ) thanks for being there when i need someone. =) thanks for lending me your ears and stuff.

i cant stop crying. i really miss him so much. ;'(

1 year 6 month of waiting or 5 years of waiting?

i miss you darling. :'(

i love you!

A U N T Y kelly & fennies* =D